Do you know that really scary point about being young...? I mean, it's beautiful; an extraordinary mess, but it's quite frightening at the same time. It's that point in your life when you're feeling things for the first time... and not for the first time the second time around, like things mostly are now... but for the actual first time. Make any sense? Whereas twenty-one is sleeping in your bed with a new boyfriend, fourteen is the first time you've ever felt a boy 's body next to you in any bed. Well. I'm beginning to feel those initial emotions again. I have butterflies, which seem to be trying to break my stomach lining-- and they almost hurt. I'm not talking romantically... most people only think of butterflies in terms of romance...
I'm just acting so strangely-- and I keep apologizing for it-- but I know it's not my fault. But then who is to blame? And I need so much of what I don't have. But I've never been good at getting it. And I can't believe I'm feeling that sting for the 50th time around.
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