One time a thing occurred to me...

...what if it's nothing like I pictured it all this time? What if I don't live in the few locations I've thought about planting myself? What if he's not there? And she's not there? And they're not there? What if I have a completely separate life than I have now? I mean, I know things aren't going to stay the same, as well they shouldn't... but what if my future is not a continuation of what I've begun to build? What if it's a completely separate life? What if we decide that a bean farm in Hawaii is the best option? What if my children don't grow up knowing my friends? What if I really can't have kids? What if she goes, and loves it there, and never wants to come back? What if I get suckered into a job I hate and a pension plan I yearn for? Tentativeness has never scared me before. It's always made me excited about life. But I suddenly have this pit in my stomach that tells me she really is leaving... and he's really not coming back. Or worse yet, what if nothing ever changes? I guess that's the bigger question.